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- Casino Gambling Ruined My Life Game
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- How Gambling Ruined My Life
Updated September 04, 2017 16:45:46
I'm a gambling addict. Three years ago, I was convicted of white collar fraud, after I stole over $130,000 from my employer to fuel an insatiable addiction.
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My poison of choice was not poker machines, but online gambling.
Racing, the thoroughbreds, the trots, the dogs — I wasn't fussy, so long as I could get a bet on and fuel that addiction.
The bets would range anywhere between $5,000 and $20,000 a day. I would bet until 3:00am, try to sleep for three hours and bet again for another three hours on online racing in the United States.
I always thought the stereotypical gambling addict was a working-class middle-aged man or woman, sitting at their local club, feeding their favourite pokies machine four or five nights a week.
But I rarely ventured into the local TAB.
Betting while the kids were in the bath
At the zenith of my addiction, I was married with two beautiful young children and working as a finance manager at a local council.
When I was with my family, I was physically there — but mentally, I was miles away, thinking about gambling: when I could next bet, where would the money come from, whether I could back a winner.
I thought about gambling 24/7. I placed bets at home, at work, the shops — basically everywhere and anywhere I could get reception on my phone.
I would be walking with the kids and our dog, yet I'd still be trying to place bets. I would even bet and watch the races on the phone while the kids were in the bath.
A knock at the door
I had been thinking about stealing to solve some of my debt problems for months, but I couldn't do it because I knew the consequences would be dire.
Then one evening, I had a visit from two large men with a baseball bat, strongly suggesting it would be in my best interests to repay a sizable debt that was due that week.
They punched me and threatened to use the baseball bat 'next time'.
I was left bruised and battered from their warning. It was a seriously scary moment; I still occasionally have flashbacks and it sends chills through my body.
That night, I made the decision to steal from work. I felt physically sick and fidgety; my mind wouldn't stop racing. I knew it was wrong, but I did it — knowing I could one day get caught.
The first time is without a doubt the hardest — but once you've done it, stealing becomes easier.
Listen to the program
Earshot meets Leigh, an online gambling addict.
I had nothing to lose. That's how I 'reasoned' it.
However, stealing became another problem to add to my list.
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I was constantly worried about being caught. When someone knocked on my office door, when I got a phone call, when my boss called me to a meeting, I was never quite sure.
The fear was slowly killing me, but I couldn't confess, couldn't turn back. I was on a knife-edge with no solution, no way out.
It was a Monday morning when I was finally caught. I was called into the CEO's office and they presented me with the overwhelming evidence.
I was caught red-handed, but I still denied it. I knew my career was over and that jail was not far away.
But at that stage, I had a small sense of relief. No more looking over my back. The lying and deceitfulness could stop.
On the inside
When I was caught and sentenced to jail, the gambling addicts I met in the prison system had similar stories to mine. They were middle-aged, smart, well-educated men from good upbringings, all addicts to racing and not the pokies — certainly not the stereotypical gambling addicts I had imagined.
My addiction cost me everything. I lost my job, all my material possessions including house, car, everything I owned.
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But that pales into insignificance to the lost relationships.
Need help or support?
If gambling is affecting your health and you are feeling anxious or depressed, or if gambling is negatively impacting on your relationships, help and support are available.- Call Lifeline on 13 11 14
My marriage disintegrated, I lost access to my children, I don't talk to my family and I'm no longer on speaking terms with most of my friends. I don't blame them.
During my year in jail, I had enough time to reflect on all the damage it had caused and when I was to be released I knew I couldn't go back to that lifestyle.
You get far too much time to reflect in jail. I was constantly thinking about the kids, but I didn't decide to quit gambling because of them. The constant stress and 24/7 of thinking about gambling had destroyed me: physically, emotionally, and financially.
I knew if I didn't stop gambling it would kill me.
Get help before it's too late
I write this not because I find it a cathartic experience, but because I hope that it helps others to seek help before it's too late. Or for family and friends of addicts to intervene and offer support.
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For people 'on the edge' or thinking about committing fraud, the solution is simple: get help.
Seek support before you hit rock bottom. The help that suited me the most was from my psychologist, one-on-one extended chats — but for others it may be Gamblers Anonymous.
For the family and friends of addicts: please don't give up on them, it's a horrendous disease and they need all the support you can give.
How Gambling Ruined My Life
Life in 2017 is certainly not perfect, but it's a damn sight better than it has been.
I've got regular access to my children, I'm rebuilding lost relationships, I've found some temporary work — and I haven't had a bet since 2014.
Topics:gambling, internet-culture, family-and-children, fraud-and-corporate-crime, law-crime-and-justice, australia
First posted September 04, 2017 12:14:41
*****, I can't help but feel as if Steve is just like me. Except instead of online casinos, because I don't trust em. I wager on random games or tennis which I know nothing about to regain my losses. I cannot handle a bad beat. I am living a life consumed by sports.. and I hate myself that I cannot stop the mistakes that I make over and over and know I shouldn't be doing so. I just blew through my account balance and have no income to come in , I really needed that check/money. I just want to curl in a ball in my bed and fall asleep and never wake up.
if you could go back in time before you made that first bet, or that first gamble would you still do it?
For me, the answer is No. I am 27, no kids, no wife.. with not much in my bank account and a ****** car collecting unemployment. I could only imagine how much worst it would be if I had other people to take care of, or would it make me more responsible?! I doubt it. I have had the gambling bug in my genes, my family would pitch quarters or play poker at every family get together. My dad and grandpa would bet horses, make trips to Vegas.
I inherited 5,000 at 18 and started betting through a bookie through my Uncle. I remember I lost like 700 or 800 the first 2 weeks which made me pretty sick. I had a $ 100 parlay going to get it all back.. All I needed was Denver to beat the Raiders by a touchdown. It was 2004, it was snowing in Denver and the Raiders had been horrible as usual. Well, Porter and Collins kicked my behind and I lost again. I blew half of the money and got a car with the other half..
I was playing poker at the casino 10 minutes away since 18 or 19, even hit a jackpot for 1400 and got paid half of it with a promise to bring social security/id on return. I never went back for a year or so..Tooken many bad beats through my years there and hate the place now. One time I played poker for hours breaking even, wasn't satisfied with that.. So I ****** away my whole check of $700 in 5 minutes at blackjack as I played the martingale system walking out the door. What a feeling that is as you walk out to the car and tell your buddy who just walked out with you as you guys were grinding for hours what you just did...
I have been betting offshore since 2007, I have withdrawn 4 ***** or so and deposited over 150 ***** I am sure. Mostly 20-50 deposits and some $200. But , I keep telling myself I can pick winners... What a blind and ignorant fool I must be right? I'm hooked.
I can no longer enjoy a sporting event without thoughts of how easy of an under/over it would be.. or I knew this team would win. I have lost a job because I was adding hours to my *****heet to get more money to gamble. I was so dumb I would turn my 36 hour week into 60 a few *****.. of course payroll eventually noticed and I got fired. One of my biggest regrets and I cannot figure out what I was thinking, now I collect unemployment and wish I had a job. My car has taken a dump on me because it is a lemon.
If you are still reading hopefully you aren't too judgemental and can have some helpful words for me..I am feeling down and out and just need to vent somehow some way.
I deposited 30 $ last week, and quickly turned it into 600 . I requested a withdrawal for $385 Saturday night. I then bet and won a few games Sunday.
I decided to put the whole $300 on the Cowboys + 3.5 Sunday night. Of course I couldn't believe they converted the 2 point conversion, and was drinking watching the game at a friends house. They then get a sack, unbelievable to push em out of fg range!
Romo has the ball with 3 minutes left down 3, just anything but a int I say out loud.. and of course he throws the lamest pass for his 3rd interception. The lamest of them all .. I couldn't believe it. I was busto .. but had 70 $ from cowboys/under 1st half I decide to throw it on some tennis match that night because I couldn't handle the loss and was drinking. I lost it.
I then cancel my withdrawal and bet $240 on the Cincinnatti Bearcats +3.5 first half for some reason this morning.. they go scoreless the last 3 minutes of the half and had a ugly turnover and missed ft's from the 26-26 tie game mark to end the half 32-26. Of course they look like a whole new team in the second half and beat the **** out of Pitt smothering them..
I went back and forth on my last wager.. was thinking Georgia Tech and under .. parlay. Instead I choose Michigan St and the over parlay em for 140 to win 360 bought it up to 7 and over 129.
MSU is down 37-25 in first half with 4 or 5 minutes to go, they end the first half on a 3 to end the first half down 1, 38-39.
In the second half they were up 59-54 with 8 minutes left to play. They then proceed to turn the ball over, get frustrated and score 4 points the final 8 minutes of the game.. I sat here shocked yet not surprised as Minnesota ends the game on a 20-4 run to win by double digits.
So my last 3 wagers I felt were all good wagers , but had some bad choke artists factoring into play. Yes, I know my money management is horrible. I realize this. I don't get it, when I only have a couple hundred bucks and deposit 20-30 that is a huge bet for me. Then I build my roll and I am betting more and more.. and if I bet less feel like I am losing money.
I think about betting on sports every day, it is a consuming thing. I really think I need to just quit as I have gone busto again when I should be waiting for a check that I really need.
I know it is not healthy for me, but I love the thrill of the potential win and enjoying the games. Right now I am just so sick of it all, wanting to go back and make all those smart winning wagers I should have. I need to figure out how to move on, let go of the past plays and improve. I have not improved, I have gotten worst.
Every day I look at the scores and say ' If only I would have bet that game, I knew that team would cover, why didn't I just do that? '
Coming up on a new year and trying to be hopeful to change for the better and learn something from this. I would not gamble if I could go back in time and start over, but do I have the power to stop now or to somehow manage my money and learn from this? Learn not to gamble what I cannot afford to lose?? I don't know fellas, I don't know.. feeling kinda hopeless at this moment.